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A simple misunderstanding - monday, may 17, 2010 - 15:22

Rachel: Oh man, I got myself in trouble at work the other day.
Me: What happened?
Rachel: I mixed up the words for ... "narcolepsy" and, what's the word for when you fall asleep all the time?
Me: Narcolepsy.
Rachel: Oh. Well, what's the word for when you have sex with dead people?
Me: Necrophilia?
Rachel: Yeah, that's what I referred to my boss as.

What could she possibly be thinking? - thursday, october 08, 2009 - 16:28

Customer Service email from one of our users:

"I would like my subscription forwarded to my new address starting november 2009.
"(current address) NAME REDACTED OLD-STREET-ADDRESS Cortland,NY 13045
"(New address) NAME REDACTED NEW-STREET-ADDRESS Cortland NY 13045
"Thank you-- NAME REDACTED"

We run a website.

I asked our intern to make sure it gets forwarded OK.

Born to be Wild - monday, august 24, 2009 - 17:22

My boss got hit in the face by a tambourine thrown by the lead singer of the Cult last night at the Warfield.

A trip to the ER and forehead stitches were involved. I hope he gets a cool, Harry Potter scar. And a tetanus shot.

UPDATE: Tetanus shot: check. Harry Potter scar: sadly, no. Liquid Stitches are flippin' amazing. Rick is trying to parlay this gross negligence into the Cult playing his next birthday party.

Lost in Translation - monday, october 27, 2008 - 14:58

Boss: "Azure ... isn't that Spanish for 'blue'?"

Me: "Azure is English for 'blue'."

Stay off the hard stuff, kids. - monday, october 13, 2008 - 21:53

My neighbors just mowed their lawn. Which is fine, except it's 10 pm and they don't have a lawn.

Earth to Yelp - monday, august 25, 2008 - 23:22

The flurry of smug, self-referential reviews for a bar/restaurant following a Yelp event there are always annoying, never helpful.

Hammer - friday, june 06, 2008 - 12:01





Bush's War - monday, june 02, 2008 - 21:35

Wathcing Bush's War on PBS right now. My new nightmare: a two-hour investigative report of my entire life narrated by Will Lyman.

Shudder.

I love coffee so much. - tuesday, january 15, 2008 - 14:46

I just want to stab more holes in my face to pour coffee into.

My car is more annoying than Carrot Top - wednesday, october 10, 2007 - 21:30

So I think Tuesday's rainstorm got water into my car's electrical system because now the seatbelt light flashes and beeps irritatingly the entire time I am driving.

Also, the horn has stopped working and the door ajar light is stuck on. Awesome!

I should get paid for this stuff - tuesday, october 02, 2007 - 13:05

Someone needs to open up a hip restaurant in the City called "Nom Nom Nom".

Tagline: "We has a Flavor."

Or would it be too obscure if it was Vietnamese cuisine: "Nam Nam Nam"?

The horror ... the Horror.




Gettin' Medieval - friday, september 28, 2007 - 09:16

So, the Paul Frank store's new window display bears the tagline "Gettin' Medieval on your Axe."

First of all, what?

Second of all, didn't anybody catch the fact that they're making a reference to a fairly graphic anal rape scene?

I'm so thin-skinned as to be offended; I'm just sayin' that there are certain types of "edgy" that you don't want to be.



500 - thursday, august 30, 2007 - 10:50

Uh oh, someone b0rked talk.oaklog. Now what am I going to spend all day at work doing?!


Good news, bad news - friday, august 24, 2007 - 22:12

Good first. BBQ tomorrow (Saturday) at my house. 4 pm. BYO[whatever] except for kickass-ness which I will supply. You of course know where I live.

Bad news. I lost my cell phone like a dummy, so don't try to call me.

Corporations are people just like us - thursday, august 23, 2007 - 13:14

Head Honcho at the company meeting: "You know, corporations are living, breathing entities, just like you and me, and..."

Me, whispering to coworker: "Um, no they're not. Not at all."

Coworker, whsipering back: "Yes they are, Nate. They're only human. They can be hurt. They can cry. Only they cry employees instead of tears."

Last week our parent company laid off like 10% of its employees.

War of the Words - friday, august 17, 2007 - 23:46

There's a poster in BART stations for the movie War with Jet Li and Jason Stratham, where the tagline is "One wants Justice. The other wants revenge."

Which I thought was funny because, oh, so they both want the same thing.


Pandora.com - tuesday, august 14, 2007 - 12:08

I've listened to Pandora Internet radio on and off for a while now, but it seems like lately it's been doing a really awesome job of what it purports to be awesome at: exposing me to cool bands that I haven't heard before.

There are two use cases:

1) I hear about a band and I want to listen to them, so boom I create a new Pandora station based on that band and immediately get to hear one of their songs, another couple of songs that are allegedly similar, and probably another song by the original band I entered. This is very useful to me.

2) I like a band, so I create a station based on them in order to hear other bands that are similar. This seems to work best if I enter two or three bands into a station.

This second use case doesn't work with all types of music. For example, I created a station based on Feist and got a bunch of Sarah McLachlan schlock. Trying to do things like make classic rock stations have met with similarly irritating results. But my classic punk station (Descendents, Dag Nasty, Jawbreaker) worked great -- it's like I made myself a mix tape. And my station based on Ratatat has introduced me to tons of cool post-rock stuff.

Good job, Pandora, you've rekindlied my interest in music beyond putting my iTunes collection on shuffle.

Note to (certain) coworkers - tuesday, august 07, 2007 - 17:14

We eat lunch together. We have that in common.

But despite what you may have learned in Conversation 101, exploiting that commonality by discussing what we're all having for lunch every single day is not OK. Asking, "So, is that sandwich from Working Girl?" every time you see that I'm eating a sandwich is not acceptable, because A) it's always from Working Girl; that's where I buy sandwiches because they make good sandwiches at affordable prices and B) there is no interesting answer to this question. I can't stress this enough*.

Let me clarify with some right/wrong scenarios:

RIGHT: "While I was standing in line at El Faro, I saw a midget holding hands with a cop."
WRONG: "Did you get carne asada or al pastor?"

RIGHT: "I'm thinking of taking a social skills class. Which community college do you recommend?"
WRONG: "Didn't you get pizza last Tuesday, too?"

RIGHT: "Hey, did you hear that some current events took place outside of the United States?"
WRONG WRONG WRONG: "Which sushi place did you go to?"

Please, I don't really want to bury my nose in the weekly like an antisocial snob every day, nor to I enjoy eating at my desk like a workaholic. Let's meet in the middle.


* Although I did refrain from bolding and italicizing.


Home decor - wednesday, august 01, 2007 - 12:08

Yesterday I purchased curtains, accent pillows, and a bathroom storage solution from IKEA.

Current mood: Whore to domesticity.


Don't... - monday, july 30, 2007 - 17:38

...read over my shoulder. Stop it.

Get your own damn Guardian. They're free, for fuck's sake.

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