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Ahem - wednesday, july 10, 2013 - 21:43

Somebody's in the spotlight in every section besides word.oaklog.

Movies Seen in the Theater in 2012 in Order of Preference from Best to Worst - wednesday, january 09, 2013 - 17:31

Damsels in Distress


Had honestly forgotten about this one until Cory reminded me.

Drive By Truckers @ The Fillmore, Plus a Rant - sunday, march 06, 2011 - 11:49

The band was great. A++++, guys.

Here's the problem.

I've been going to shows for 20 years now and I just can't handle my fellow show-goers anymore. Are they getting worse or am I getting tired of it? I just feel like if I pay more than $30 and am standing up front I get to listen to the band and not you talking.

Last night I was standing up at the front behind a guy in a wheelchair, and three hippie girls right up against the stage were doing the super energetic hippie hoedown dance so hard they were slamming the guy's wheelchair into me. Oh, when they weren't screaming conversations at each other, that is. So I tap the most annoying one on the shoulder and ask her to bring it down a little and stop hitting the wheelchair guy and the conversation went like this. These are literal quotes.
Super annoying hippie girl, gesturing at guy in wheelchair: "I can't hit him with my butt?"
Me: "No."
SAHG: "That's bullshit."
Me: "Manners are hard sometimes."
SAHG: [yap yap yap]
Me: "Shhhh" [points at band playing 8 feet away]
SAHG: [drunker angrier yap yap yapping]
Me: "Shhhhhhh" [continues to point]

The least annoying girl finally stood in between the super annoying girl and the wheelchair and they spent the rest of the night talking, trying to climb on stage, and trying to bum weed off middle-aged dudes.

The people to my right were coked up and talking the whole time.

I'm just sick of this shit. Shut up, don't slam into each other, and watch the band. I love it when people have a good time and dance and are excited, but have the tiniest bit of awareness of the people around you. FOR GOD'S SAKE.

Manners are hard,
Other Alice

Elements of Pop Culture That Involve My Name, In Order of How Much I Like Them - tuesday, january 18, 2011 - 11:57

1. "Alice" by Sunn O)))
2. Alice in Wonderland, the book
3. Alice in Wonderland, the Disney movie

4. Alice the TV show
5. Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore

6. Alice in Chains
7. Alice Cooper

8. The writings of Alice Sebold

9. "Alice" by The Sisters of Mercy

10. The character Alice in the Twilight series

11. The radio station Alice

[If you type "Alice" enough times it starts not looking like a word.]

The Year in Movies - wednesday, december 22, 2010 - 13:22

Movies I saw in the theater this year, ranked in order of how much I liked them:

1. Jackass 3D
2. An Education

3. Crazy Heart

4. Burlesque

Tame Impala @ The Independent 12/13/10 - tuesday, december 14, 2010 - 13:24

I hadn't really listened to them much before Cory invited be to the show, but boy am I happy I went. They sound like if you locked some super-smart kids in a room for a couple of years with some Sabbath and Stone Roses records. Oh, and a lot of weed. A lot of weed. So, yeah, totally awesome.

They had this crazy oscilloscope projector thing that you can read more about here, which was neat. Also they were adorably positive about being in San Francisco and honestly appreciative of their fans. It was just cuter than kitten britches.

The only downer was the usual lameos in the audience and the fact that the band looked like they were about 15 years old, which made me feel like an old.

Anyway, Tame Impala. Give 'em a spin.

Open Letter #46 - wednesday, november 17, 2010 - 15:13

Dear Smoke Alarm-

You're doing a first-class job at making sure I know I'm currently using the oven. Keep up the good work!

Other Alice

"Poetry Corner" - friday, september 17, 2010 - 15:28

While poking around in a box of papers and pictures from my olden days, I found a clipping from my high school's newspaper. I give you, with no further ado, the two poems published in "Poetry Corner."

The twisted roots of deep
within, which cry of pain all

Dig deep down to relieve the
pain, to root out what is still re

The pulsating nightmare of a
dream, the dream that once took
over me.

Rid of destructive thoughts that
remain, which control my inner
deepest pains.

Once I rid of expectations, that
once and for all will never be.

I reminisce of what was then
and now will always be.

Please - get over with
I have everything to lose
What kind of belligerent psycho
are you to want
My body to abuse?

Please - get it over with
This is not my idea of fun
The cold, shifting sand
Made it hard for me to run.

Please - get it over with
So I may report my shame
To the proper authorities
So they can point the finger of

Please - get it over with
Let me put you in jail
I will make sure this once
The justice system does not fail.

"Please - get it over with"
Your time is coming
When you're in my position
You'll say the same thing

[all punctuation and spacing from the original]

I'm not including the writers' names because nobody deserves these things showing up in their Google search.

Bunny's Geography: A Study - tuesday, september 14, 2010 - 15:19

I'm sure those of you who have cats have noticed that certain areas of the house are for certain activities, even if most of those activities are "sleeping." After a month or so of working at home, I've come up with the following list of places he hangs out and what they're for.

The bench downstairs: Curled-up sleeping, butt licking

By the food dish: Plaintive requests for food

Behind the curtain on the upstairs windowsill: Quiet contemplation

Patches of sun on the floor by my dresser: Stone-cold chilling, butt licking

Under the little table by my dresser: Serious naps

At the foot of the bed: Getting petted, post-petting snoozes

Under the clothing rack: Bunker-mentality defensive hunching

Under the bed: Armageddon-level bugfuck freakouts

In the bathroom: No idea, communing with spirit world?

This Gun for Hire - tuesday, july 27, 2010 - 13:26

I've decided to leave the wonderful world of middle management for the wild frontier of freelancing. Giving notice was scary, but I think I made the right choice. Off into the wild blue yonder!

I Hate You, Robot Coffee Machine. - wednesday, july 14, 2010 - 11:50

The coffee at my work comes out of a weird machine that you stick various packets into and some kind of pressurized thing happens and crappy coffee comes out. I call it robot coffee. It's got a screen that shows your various options and sometimes that screen becomes a little commercial for the coffee system that you have to press skip to make stop so you can tell it what kind of coffee you want.

This has always baffled me. Why are they trying to sell me on this system? It's already purchased, as mandated by our corporate overlords. It's not like I have an option when it comes to the free coffee at my work. I'm not going to stand there in the kitchen and look over the various systems and think to myself, "Well, that one over there claims to have fresh-roasted flavor so I'll plunk down my hard-earned no dollars on that."

What's even sadder is that if there were another free coffee option I'd totally go with it. That robot coffee sucks a bag of dicks.

Open Letter #46 - thursday, july 30, 2009 - 13:58

Dear Guy Who's Aggressively Panhandling Next to My ATM-


Yeah, I know you're hella broke, but panhandling people leaving the ATM is a terrible idea. Why? Well, the reason I'm at the ATM is I have no cash. And once I leave the ATM I now have cash, but it's in $20 bills. Now, the odds that I'm going to kick down with $20 for you are virtually non-existent. Go panhandle somewhere else, for your own good.

Other Alice

PS Calling me a bitch when I didn't give you money doesn't help matters, as I work down here and see you pretty much every day. No money for you ever, asshole!

Sunday Evening - sunday, july 05, 2009 - 22:01

One of the things I hate the most is going from Weekend Purse to Weekday Purse. Out go the sunscreen and beer cozy, in go the BART pass and New Yorker.

Big Business @ BOTH - thursday, may 28, 2009 - 17:32

Killer, as usual. I was kind of bummed that Jared didn't wear sweatpants, though.

Mogwai @ Grand Ballroom - monday, may 18, 2009 - 12:25

"Like the soundtrack to a tsunami."

Incomplete List of Who I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up, Circa 1983 - friday, may 15, 2009 - 11:02

Princess Leia
Marion Ravenwood
Jaclyn Smith
The sexy Ann Jillian
Brooke Shields
Daisy Duke

PSA - thursday, may 14, 2009 - 11:36

If you get pepper spray on you (like, say, hypothetically you were caught in the crossfire of a crazy girlfight outside MacArthur BART), it's best to go home and take a shower and change your clothes. Don't just go straight to work.

Notes from Cuba - wednesday, april 15, 2009 - 10:33

Don't want to bore you with a complete travelogue, but here are some highlights/random things.

Havana Vieja is, as advertised, full of beautiful, half falling down old colonial buildings. Other parts of Havana are more concrete-intensive and also falling down. The countryside is pretty and surprisingly dry.

It's pretty hot and humid, but not unbearably so.

It's pretty much a non-stop stream of whistles, catcalls, and compliments from Cuban men. But it's pretty easy to ignore/smile at. I also have to add that Cuba has an extremely high proportion of completely dreamy men. Ai ai ai.

The food is okay. Street food is limited to gross ham and cheese sandiwches or gross pizzas, but dinners and breakfasts are pretty okay to fairly good. Still, don't go to Cuba for the food.

Rum drinks are, as you might expect, delicious and plentiful.

I didn't get stomach issues even though I consumed a lot of ice, brushed my teeth with the water, and ate unwashed fruit. Old Iron Guts they call me.

Billboards and graffiti of Che and Fidel are EVERYWHERE. On the same note, there is not an ad for a commercial product anywhere.

We had a drink at the Hotel National, overlooking the Gulf of Mexico at sunset, where the largest gathering of mobsters ever met for a Frank Sinatra concert in the 50s. Also Fidel and Che played a game of golf there. The mojitos were pretty good.

I smoked two cigars.

Our taxi driver got into a fistfight with a motorcyclist that he did or did not cut off while taking us to the bus station in Havana. I have no idea if that's normal for Cuba or if he was just weird. He said that Raul Castro was "stupid," for the record.

We spent three days in a little town called Trinidad on the Caribbean coast. It's a UNESCO world heritage site, all colonial and tiny. We spent the days out on the absolutely glorious beach. I got a severe sunburn while wearing 85spf, wearing a black long-sleeved shirt, and sitting under a palapa. Sigh.

At nights everyone in Trinidad (and I mean everyone) goes to the Plaza Mejor for salsa. The less said about my salsa dancing, the better. But it was still a ton of fun.

One night in Trinidad we walked up a hill outside of town in the full moon past a ruined 18th century church to a disco that's built into a cave.

The next night Jody and I ended up at a reggaeton concert at midnight. It was CRAZY.

The museum of the revolution in Havana is EXACTLY like the museum in Ho Chi Minh City, to the point where I got disoriented.

Cubans are actually pretty fun and friendly.

We made a bunch of friends with Americans and Brits and Cubans, because I think the friendliness is catching.

We were very sad that we couldn't bring any real souvenirs back. I especially wanted to buy Cuban baseballs for everyone I know.

You can get pretty tired of salsa music, it turns out.

The stray dog situation could be depressing sometimes.

Cubans are clearly pretty poor, but at least they're jaunty about it. They all hang out outside all the time.

We stayed most of the nights in casas particulares, which are houses that rent out rooms to foreigners. In Havana it was a tiny cramped apartment and in Trinidad it was a gorgeous colonial house with a courtyard. Both places were $25/night for a double room.

Cubans always want to know where you're from and when you say the US they're always kind of taken aback and pleased. They're very excited about Obama.

Cancun, what I saw of it, is pretty lame.

I took a vowel to help all in need - monday, march 30, 2009 - 14:49

This post from a firefighter messageboard reads like a Bruce Springsteen song:

Well I first want to thank everyone for their support, the details of the relationship I will share bc u all have been so wonderful to me, we meet online through myspace she was the cousin of a kid who I went to high school with. We meet and began txting each other everyday almost all day long even when I was working at the steel mill she and I would talk constantly. The match was a made in heaven, I was a volunteer she was an explorer both loved firefighting, helping people, riding, it was way to obvious that I feel head over heels for her and that she had fallen the same way. Well one day I had just got home from the mill and I get this txt from her saying oh you’re a creeper and don’t ever talk to me again, so I said I don’t know what ur talking about so I deleted her and all contact with her stop well a couple weeks went by and I was working on a friends farm and he had hired a few has boys from the town she lived in and I said do u no her and they said yes and then I got me thinking so I looked her up once again and waited for my request to be answered it was and she said im so glad u found me well I asked her to dinner and that Friday we went out and the first thing she siad when she got into my jeep was oh by the way I just broke up with my boyfriend so I said oh ok and guess who followed me the ex bf until he called her on her phone and called her a slut. Well from that par t on we were always together so much love and passion developed until I had to leave to go to hocking college which was three hrs away. The day I left I felt so ashamed for leaving that drove me to come home every weekend I would get out of class on Friday afternoon and drive 3hrs at 60 to 80 miles and hr just to get there to see her. I would stay till mon morning at 5am then drive the three hrs to get to a class well have way through I said enough is enough im transferring to stark state in canton which I did and I came home and her father did not like me for some reason maybe I was the guy taking his baby girl away from him ? When I moved home he found out that I was back in town and on thanksgiving night his hate d into her moms house and I held her all night while she cried and I took care of her anything she needed I was at her side. Well shortly after that I knew the only thing I could do was to give her my vowel that I would be there for her for the rest of her life. On dec 16th at the canton township dinner I asked her to marry me and be my one and only. I was a dream come true for me and her both she spent the next couple of days showing off the ring and it made me feel so right and wonderful. Well to say the least Christmas came and on new years eve at midnight we kissed and then bout 12:18 she gets a txt from some one she didn’t no and it was the ex bf who sexual abused her, physically abused her, and that pissed me off well we went to look at vehicles bc she had gotten into a fender bender so we went and my grandpa as a wedding gift was going to help us out well the economy went into the crapper so he kind of back out and then the worst day of my life came about it was about 12:45 am I was heading south on a two lane highway when I rolled upon on a mva where a guy had hit a downed tree it totaled his truck. As a firefighter I took a vowel to help all in need it was raining and cold and the wind was blowing like crazy so I told the gentleman to come sit in my car he did and I threw on my gear its 1 am on a road and imm going to now try and mitigate the problem so I called it in and the first unit on scene was from the town she had lived in and the second guy off the truck was her ex I gave my report to the officer in charge and handed it over to him, then I began cleaning up the mess on the road and shortly before that I had looked on myspace and saw that they had been talking again so once the mess was cleaned up I walked over to him and asked him flat out are u trying to get with my fiancé he said oh no that’s your girlfriend oh no no no . I said have u check ur myspace today oh no and to say the least he said no and I said I saw that u two are talking again oh that’s my ex from four years ago just being a little scared boy and I said let me see ur name tag chase ya keep ur distance and then I helped the man out and left the went to her house slept went and got her breakfast an at 6:45 she gets a txt from some guy and I was pissed off and I said we need to talk well it ended up me being the one doing all the talking and I got her to class and left about 11 am I get a voicemail from her saying oh I don’t think we should be engaged anymore so I called her and all of her class mates where playing the games with me and wouldn’t let me talk to her I still hold hope and love for her every day I miss her and want to be with her so bad that it hurts and it put me in the Er on Thursday night bc I haven’t been getting enough I was admitted for dehydration that’s my story and thank you all for you support.

If it's not one thing... - saturday, december 13, 2008 - 10:44

So on the weekend where I've pretty much got to work non-stop on an important project for work that I'm really stressed out about, only taking a break on Sunday afternoon to attend the funeral of the beloved father of one of my oldest friends*...

...my dad calls early this morning to tell me my grandma died.

*I'm aware that this is a really awkward phrase here.

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