 stacey's logs
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filed under things you never want to hear your boss say: - friday, august 27, 2010 - 14:44
"stacey's pickle smells really good.... i'm just sayin'"
the week in boring: it's thursday - thursday, august 12, 2010 - 16:25
that is all
the week in boring: it's wednesday - wednesday, august 11, 2010 - 14:33
turned on the tv this morning to listen to the news. was starting to wonder what was going on in the world when i heard the voice of john locke saying something. turned to see it was actually an episode of west wing.
was running a little late this morning. got to the corner and saw a bus coming, so i full sprinted to the end of the block. turned around, no bus. don't know what i saw. waited at the bus stop for 12 minutes.
had some tuna fish on my salad today. it seemed fishy. reminded me that last week when i had turkey for the first time in a while, it tasted turkeyey. am wondering if i have reached that seven year period when my taste buds start getting replaced, or if perhaps being mostly vegetarian has taken hold and changed what i'm used to. either way, i still hate olives.
got an email from my mom following up on a conversation we had last night. she said that it is possible to look up people who may have served hard time in arizona and get their whole record of community service, probation, and see their mug shot, birth date, etc. she sent me the link. i couldn't find anyone i knew.
the week in boring: it's tuesday - tuesday, august 10, 2010 - 15:10
i finally took down my calendar from last year. i guess it has been december 2009 for about eight months. it was a nice looking calendar. in a way, i am kind of surprised i didn't come back from vacation a couple of months ago and find that jennifer had replaced the old calendar. i think she probably flipped the page more often than i did. i put up a new calendar i got free in the mail. it is not as nice looking, but it does have pictures of wild animals. the calendar starts with september 2010. i guess that saves me one flip.
i have been packing my lunch more lately. sandwiches got boring, so i have moved to using lavash. it's pretty much the same as a sandwich, but in a different shape. it sucks when you make a sandwich and put awesome seasonings on it only to find that this has crapped out your bread. i decided to conquer this problem by peeling a carrot and putting the peelings in some balsamic vinegar, oil, salt and pepper. i make the rest of the lavash, then put in the carrots. it works pretty well at providing the flavor while protecting the breading.
i went to spin for the third time ever. i might be beginning to like it. at the very least, i can see why people get fixated on it. however, i still think kranking is some bullshit.
i ordered a bunch of vitamins in the mail. i'm not sure which one is causing it, but my pee looks like i'm drinking highlighters. yep.
to the city of oakland parking assistance center, - tuesday, july 27, 2010 - 16:09
dear oakland parking assistance center,
please get your shit together!! when you originally sent me a notice that i should fill out an application for a parking permit, i was more than happy to do it. a month or two goes by, and i start wondering, where is that permit anyway...? and why haven't the signs gone up...?
SEVEN AND A HALF MONTHS LATER, when i get a call that they are finally going to issue the permits, but the application fee i sent in isn't enough anymore, i thought, yeah sure, i'll go down to your office since i'm so close and wrap this right up, walking out with permit in hand.
and then, after 45 minutes of sitting in your office, you tell me i can't have a permit because my address is not in the permit section?? WTFF? why did you call me and ask me to come down to your office then? it's not that goddamn complicated!
stacey
parents are good for a laugh - tuesday, july 20, 2010 - 10:43
this morning i got emails that made me laugh from both of my parents.
dad:
sent me a picture of the antler arches in jackson hole, wyoming on his motorcycle trip from AZ to yellowstone. was very surprised that i didn't know about the antler arches!!
mom (sent me the following email about my brother):
"Last week Steven and I were in the pool when Tommy, the pool guy comes to clean the pool. Steven starts asking him...
so how do you like being a pool guy? Tommy goes on and on about what a great job it is. and what kind of training did you get?
Tommy gives the low down... and do you mind me asking, how much do you make? Tommy was really up for converting Steven to the "pool industry." Hey, man you could ride with me one day and if James ...blah, blah, blah.
This week Tommy is gone. He left the pool industry.
Steven has a way of making his peers question their existence!"
maybe that is funnier if you know my brother... but anyway, it made me laugh.
alameda county fair, where dreams come true - thursday, july 01, 2010 - 09:46
ingredients for a perfect day:
act 1: jennifer and i went to see mutton bustin' aka "the toughest show on wool" (and the most entertaining and the most fun to say). basically, you put a kid in some protective gear, put him/her on top of a sheep and say to hold on for dear life while the sheep goes running off. it is hilarious and awesome and the kids fall off like little sacks of potatoes. jennifer was concerned for the kids' safety and i'm like-- what are you talking about? this is amazing! this might be my new favorite thing at the fair.
act 2: all-alaskan pig races. sourdough jack takes on sloppy joe. and also bob. little pigs running around a track, jumping over hurdles. all this, while a dude tells jokes like how a piggy was so dumb it got invited to a luau and it went (but they got him back, so it's ok)! OMG! it's cute and it's fun. jennifer picked up on the guy saying the piggies' career only lasted 6 months. i put out of my mind why this might be.
act 3: cheese on a stick. it's like a corndog, but there is cheese inside instead. i dipped it in ranch dressing. it's the biggest heart attack i've had in a while and i didn't even feel disgusting about eating it.
act 4: evolution, a tribute to journey. i want to say that i paid attention to the band, but seriously, with all the insane people watching, they could not hold my attention. this is not to say that they were not good because the lead singer does sound just like steve perry, but the people. wow. just... wow. i saw some girls straight out of jerseylicious. i saw ladies in their 50s screaming and getting shitfaced. i saw a drunk dude strutting around like this was his show he was performing at and winking at people and slamming into some lady so her beer went all over her funnel cake and not even noticing. i saw the girl in front of me pull a bullet shell out of her purse and say "look what i found in my purse" to a friend like it was not even that much of a novelty. oh man.
act 5: rides. jb, anita, jennifer and i saw some awesome, and very topical, rides like the thriller and planet pandora. we went on pole position, viper, the zillerator, flying bobs, and i don't know what else. i had to bow out of crazy train because i think i might have barfed.
my gmail account was hacked - monday, april 19, 2010 - 10:34
my gmail account was hacked and i'm sure a bunch of you got spammed. i've changed passwords and security questions, etc., so hopefully everything is good now. sorry about that.
my brother's life plan - wednesday, april 14, 2010 - 18:02
This is the life plan my brother laid out to me today:
"I'm gonna like become a security guard or something. (I know, totally mediocre right, but hear me out)
And then I'll use that money (it's more decent than what I'm getting now) to continue my martial arts training (sorely lacking of late)
And then do some bouncing gigs
And perhaps become a P.I or something who knows. Anyways, P.Is get paid bank.
And I'm figuring I can also be a process server on the side cuz they make good money and the skill set overlaps
That'll probably come before being a P.I though
And yeah, my skin kinda crawls at the prospect of being a P.I cuz its sorta scummy in some ways
But it'll help me make good my vision for martial arts studio owning"
i feel like this makes sense in some kind of bizarro way that doesn't make sense at all. i'm interested to see how this goes.
march 2010 top ten - thursday, april 01, 2010 - 10:10
i keep forgetting to do this. i also can't believe it's april. here we go:
-- belated bday dinner at tito's with gr, jennifer and becky
-- oscar party (managed to see more movies than any other oscar party)
-- reconnecting with old college friend kent
-- bbqing at nikki's
-- lake chalet black chefs in the white house event (nom nom nom)
-- asia sf ladies night with yve, maryam, alison and anita
-- dinner party with kevmo
-- rebuilding together oakland wine tasting and fundraiser
-- brunch with suzanne and rosanna
-- my first seder!
beret and the water bottle - friday, march 19, 2010 - 10:25
so beret won't let me or newbie change the water bottle on the office water cooler because we might hurt ourselves or something. i've told him i think this is patronizing and he does it because we are women, but he insists that it is because we will blow out our backs and have a worker's comp issue.
so, about 90 percent of the time, we wait around for him to change the bottle, he doesn't, and so we do it. then he gives us some big lecture about how we aren't supposed to do it, and we pretend like we don't know who changed the water bottle.
so today, newbie takes the bottle off the cooler and sets it on the floor, and doesn't change it. so he makes a big deal about it and stands in the doorway saying-- i'm so PROUD of you! i'm SO proud of you! for following office policy!
like we're children
and then he goes into his office and doesn't put a new bottle on.
my 3 year work review - friday, february 26, 2010 - 15:19
today was my three year work review with mr. beret. i had dreaded this all week, wondering what he would ask and what i would say. earlier today, i finally decided my best bet was to say nothing.
so, he started off by telling me what a great job i do, how my writing is better than some jagoff he hired as a consultant (i call him a jagoff because i blame him for not getting the increase in vacation time beret promised last year), how i do great research projects and blah blah, and then of course he said he would like our communications to be friendlier. he says that he hears me being really friendly to clients and other people, but he wants me to be friendlier with him. he said i could even joke more.
he suggested, as one of my "jokes" with him that i could answer the intercom by saying "boo" or "meow." i said i probably wouldn't be doing that.
lessons in douchebaggery - monday, january 25, 2010 - 11:12
the one thing that always surprises me about mr. beret is that people who are not his employees don't tell him to get his head out of his ass, go fuck himself, or take his business elsewhere more often (or really at all). today, however, is a giddy day because someone did.
i am waiting at home for pest control (termites!!) and start chatting with my coworker telling her i'll be later than i thought. she tells me that there is a nasty message for my boss from his car service shop and that i should listen to it before my boss gets in and listens to it and erases it.
i call in. the message goes something like this:
hello mr beret, this is GUY from CAR SERVICE SHOP and i'm calling to tell you that you are never to speak to my employees like that again or you will NEVER EVER get your car serviced here again. you call in flying off the handle without any information and talk to people like that, it is completely unprofessional. you CANNOT talk to my employees like that. i hope i have made myself clear.
i cannot even put into words how much this pleases me and how much that guy is my new best friend.
touche - thursday, january 14, 2010 - 15:02
him: did I mention my fragile ego?
me: yes, you said you liked whiskey
him: touche
me: yeah, i feel pretty good about that one
today's observations - tuesday, january 05, 2010 - 11:36
1-- no pee on the seats since the travel agency moved out of the building. suspicion confirmed.
2-- i am wearing old lady pants. my mom pawned off some pants on me while i was home for christmas and today i am wearing a pair. i usually clip my keys to a belt loop and shove them in my back pocket. today, when reaching for my keys, i'm reaching halfway up my back. these pants are headed to goodwill.
if there was any doubt that i work in the office - tuesday, december 15, 2009 - 16:17
please see this email chain (read from bottom up):
From: Stacey
To: Beret
Cc: Lil Beret
Subject: Re: Follow up
I copied John Doe.
Stacey
****************

From: Beret
To: Lil Beret
Cc: Stacey
Subject: Re: Follow up
Stacey
Pls copy John Doe
************************
From: Lil Beret
To: Beret
Cc: Stacey
Subject: Re: Follow up
[name redacted] also wanted us to copy John Doe
****************
From: Stacey
To: people Beret told me to email
Cc: Beret, Lil Beret
Subject: Follow up
[long email here]
RIP Grandma Delpha - tuesday, november 24, 2009 - 07:40
i hadn't gotten to see her since i've been back. she died this morning at the age of 100 and other cool stuff i can't type about right now.
end of day giddiness - thursday, november 19, 2009 - 17:04
this whole thing made me laugh so hard i started tearing up and couldn't talk. and no, it's not that funny, it's just been a hard week at work.
me: beret was just unintentionally funny
duckabee: how so?
me: i heard him talking on the phone
and he's like-- did you see this guy's name? it's buttslef
or something with butt in it, i couldn't hear exactly
and he's like-- yeah, wanna know what his first name is?
he says-- it's Ima
and then-- wait, no, i mean it's Ura
duckabee: you work for michael scott?
conversation with newbie - friday, november 13, 2009 - 13:30
me: i feel like i was more excited wednesday than i am today.
newbie: that's not right! get on the fri-(trying to say three words at once) way...
me: yeah, get on the friway!!!!!!!!!!
newbie and me laugh
me: i don't even care what you were going to say, that was funny.
newbie: yeah, me neither. get on board.
and later:
me: he failed the quiz
and didn't get the certificate
newbie: you mean it doesn't count to have it playing on your computer while you're doing other things?? that's so weird
me: hahahha
i know
i'm going to have to listen to this AGAIN?
no, just the once
and you can't have a
conference call at the same time
newbie: right. by "listen" and "again" he means listen.
Sent at 5:21 PM on Friday
newbie: i all of the sudden feel so tired i don't know if i can get on the friway
me: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Sent at 5:23 PM on Friday
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