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euphemism - saturday, october 30, 2010 - 18:11

Me: I have to feed the kitty

Mother-in-law: Is that a euphemism? Like spank the monkey?

not quite a perfect day - friday, september 03, 2010 - 00:14

boring boring log about how much I am happy in CA
everything just keeps coming up stink roses today:
amazing fun time getting sea urchins to spawn and fertilize with my students, THEN the zygotes actually grew - baby tiny sea urchins all over the fucking lab!
All the embryos I thought I crushed were totally ok, my kids figured out what the fertilization envelope looked like, they took pics with their digital cameras. Sperm and eggs everywhere.

Then! My whole tiny family was randomly taken out to dinner for nice Thai food.
We got home: super cheap electricity bill.
My student emailed me: the crazy program I told him to try kind of worked.

Also, our new cat is answering to 'Dr. Barnaby Cat'.

Stockton - saturday, june 12, 2010 - 21:38

*Is the murder capital of the universe
*But only 1.5 hrs from the bay
*Also America's most miserable city
*Super clean and affordable
*But also the most obese city ever
*I saw a juggalo

No house yet, but my lab comes with a -80 freezer. That is really really cold.

dicking around in cyberspace - sunday, february 28, 2010 - 20:33

Went on chatroulette as urged by my undergrads, since I can't tell them what I saw, I will tell you, dear internet.
First, I think it is mostly people looking for something freaky and hilarious, which is not hard to find. Second, I was super shocked when I would be connected to someone and they immediately pressed "next".
I was on for maybe 10 minutes, here are some of the people I met:
1) Three kids who welcomed me to chatroulette and complimented my glasses.
2) Naked lady with nice boobs who actually wanted to chat (Alex had given up on chatroulette at this point and was in the kitchen, total loser).
3) A magic trick - I have to show you my pantomime for this, but the closeup was on the guys hands and the reveal was his dick (surprise to me but probably not to anyone else ever).
4) A BJ where the guy was laying down with his feet facing the camera, for future reference: not a flattering angle. Afterwards I thought about how his lady friend had to keep getting up everytime someone pressed "next" on them.
5) A racist 10 year old who thought I was chinese.

procrastination - saturday, september 26, 2009 - 12:41

Lonesome here and supposed to be writing research statements for job apps. If I start reading a book, Lu will make me do chores. Typing, it looks as though I am hard at work.
I have already exhausted the novelty of Blingees, checked facebook, illustrated a figure, put the baby back to sleep. Is there some special music that is going to make me want to work? I should probably put together a playlist...

dear fashion disasters of Santa Barbara - sunday, july 20, 2008 - 22:19

To the bitch wearing sunglasses I owned circa 2003:
Don't fucking "Where's Waldo" your friends at me because I am wearing a striped shirt. I realize that that stripes are probably still a novelty in whatever midwestern suburb you are from, but that is no reason to hate. Repeating "Uh, where's Waldo?" for the next half block to your confused friends was icing.
PS: Buying your standout accessory at Forever 21 is not the best.

To the dude with the 1.5 inch mohawk:
When baby Maddox and Brad Pitt did this 4 yrs ago it was cute. When you do it with your 10 month old baby now, it is sad. Start saving your pennies, therapy can be pricey. Also, I thought you were homeless at first. Consider a different beard growth pattern, dad.

To the tourists:
Keep up the good work. The sleeveless polo with running shoes never goes out of style and is appropriate for ever occasion, even fancy restaurants. You guys always make me feel thin.

new mexico field trip - monday, july 07, 2008 - 19:37

Sign posted by an elderly relative's hot tub:
"We don't skinny dip - we chunky dunk"

Welcome to Albuquerque!

i love this place - thursday, june 12, 2008 - 20:05

lady in a "I HATE HUMMERS" shirt running up to her friend in a Suburban at the stoplight and hopping in for a ride.

I guess she ment the other kind of hummer.

events of an evening - thursday, june 05, 2008 - 21:46

discussed why Tigo has what it takes to win ANTM

discovered our upcoming 5th anniversary is the "wood" anniversary. Husband makes predictable lame jokes.

Letter to the Editor - sunday, march 23, 2008 - 12:36

This gem was in today's paper:
"If readers think that low-income housing is a benevolent endeavor, just make sure it's not next door. Unless of course, you relish graffiti, beer cans, firecrackers, shopping carts, their cars on your street, etc. The St. Vincent's project has been a nightmare."

In response, I have come up with a list of things I hate about high income housing:
1) faux southwest anything
2) bad dancing
3) strands of fried bleached hair on the lawn
4) monster SUVs in compact parking spots
5) Dr. Laura lives here
6) larcenous maids and gardeners walking up and down my street all day
7) flat asses and fat arms (what monster trick of genetics!?)
8) 6+ figure incomes off a bachelor's degree from UCSB

I hate hate hate hate hate.

Fuming - wednesday, march 12, 2008 - 11:56

The anti-choice people have 15 foot high pictures of dead fetuses right in front of my lunch spot today.
They also have a plane flying around with a picture of an aborted fetus.
I am so unbelievably pissed that I actually turned off my ipod in order to fume harder. Since I got preggo I have been very against abortion. But at the same time, how can you force a woman to go through, arguably, the most violent thing that will ever happen to her just because of your religious beliefs?
On the other hand, I can't imagine anyone actually being swayed by the horrorshow they put up on campus today, so there is that. I would think it was all a ruse by Planned Parenthood to get donations (yes, I am donating today) except that the people around the posters looked inbred.

Math Break with Rick Astley - monday, march 10, 2008 - 08:54

How old are the students here? Judging by their poor poor fashion decisions, I would say that they are around 18 or 19, that is the age when I wore army surplus everything and tank tops over thermal underwear. Guhguhguh. Also, unaccountably, white hightop converse (!!).
So why do they have "Rick Astley wants you to ROLL" posters up around campus? Were they even born when Whenever You Need Somebody came out? I know it was pre-DepecheMode (7th grade), but post Electric Boogaloo (3rd grade).

30-19 = 11 --> 6th grade

That means that, generously, these kids were exiting a uterus right about when the album dropped. Maybe their moms had those headphone things you put on your tummy so your baby can listen to Mozart in the womb. Who know? All I know is that a whole lot of song is tumbling out of my brains right now, along with some really great dance moves.

We're no strangers to love - you know the rules and so do I!

Papa always gets the shaft., more tales of barf - wednesday, february 27, 2008 - 16:31

Yesterday, Tigs had the barfs in the morning but was fine by the afternoon. I gave him a tasty lunch of cruciferous vegetables (broccoli and cauliflower) and cheese. When Alex got home, I went to workout. As soon as I left Tigs barfed up all the smells in the universe.

Alex got me back by putting a towel over the barf on the rug and waiting for me to get home to take care of it.
Alex: Well what do I use to clean barf off a carpet?
Me: Soap?

This follows yesterday's early morning "He's gonna blow!" and Mr.Bean-like search for a towel and the famous Christmas day egg barfing incidents.

I will end as usual:
Sorry for the gross. Here is a cute picture.

H00ters - saturday, january 05, 2008 - 16:54

Just got abck form hooters w/my YKW
had my first margarita in 2 yers..pccs taken with fat hooters waitresses.


Maple Syrup - monday, december 10, 2007 - 20:28

I'm taking fenugreek seeds to help with nursing (don't ask) and the side effect is that they make your bodily fluids smell like maple syrup. The first time I used a Q-tip and smelled pancakes was truly disturbing.

The other side effect is that they give me gas. The plus side is that my farts and burps also smell like maple syrup.

Out of it - tuesday, october 30, 2007 - 22:26

After I enter an oaklist item, I often do a search to see what other people thought of it. Right now, I am coming up empty, though. I seem to be the only one watching Romanian cinema (Death of Mr. Lazerescu), listening to Parisian pop music (Dragibus) and definitely the only one who liked all of the characters in The Corrections (except for Albert and Gary's wife). The first two are probably just because I am out of it regarding what is hip in music and film, but the last one says that I also have bad taste.

Everything smells like barf - monday, october 22, 2007 - 20:02

Santiago's first flu last night. I did not take picture.

Folsom Street Fair - verified - monday, october 08, 2007 - 20:30

Maybe once a year I get an email from the American Family Association that is actually worth reading. This year it is their not-so-scathing report of the Folsom Street Fair which featured public oral sex and homosexuals galore. If that doesn't sound inviting enough, they also describe S&M for their cloistered audience.
Clearly, everyone is hot and bothered by now, so they provide a link to pictures of the event after three warning pages letting you know that you are about to see shocking and lewd pictures (i.e. flabby men's behinds, dudes in white socks and black boots, and men dressed as nuns) for verification (??) purposes only.
Lewdness Alert!

The best thing about the linked page is that it says that it had to be moved due to high traffic. I guess a lot of catholics really needed to "verify" the lewdness of the fair.
Lewd Ice Sculpture Alert!

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